There is More Than One Type of Rock in the Desert

At lunch today, Avi was talking to the chef cooking his burger. Avi often tells me to talk to as many people as possible because you never know who needs someone to listen. So as Avi was acting as this cook’s therapist, saying “uh-huh,” “uh-huh,” “uh-huh” throughout the guy’s story about losing his junkyard to the government or something, I was watching the guy’s hands as they were cooking. It started as a simple daze, but then I noticed something. All of his fingernails were cut short, except for on his pinkies.

Holy shit, the burger king has coke nails.

Before I continue with this post, let’s go over the Drug101 basics. A coke nail is used as a small container for a cokehead to snort drugs from, located on the pinky finger. It’s not very covert, as coke nails are very noticeable to the rest of the public.

For instance, do you remember Bob Ross – the afro-headed painter on PBS who marveled people with his show “The Joy of Painting”?


Well now let's take an even closer look at the picture. Look at his pinkies cradling that raccoon…

Coke nails.

Sorry to burst some of your bubbles. But now you know where he got the inspiration for those “happy little trees.”

Anyway, Bob Ross isn’t Israeli, so we’re gonna move on.

After leaving the burger joint, I asked Avi if he was good friends with that chef.
“No, never met him in my life,” he replied.
“K. Well then I guess I’ll tell you that I think that guy is on coke.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Do you know what a coke nail is, Avi?”
Avi nodded his head yes.
“He had two of them.”

Avi started laughing.

“I don’t think that guy is on drugs. A lot of Israelis have those long pinky nails. It’s kind of a fashion statement.”
“What?! A fashion statement?!”
“Yeah, some think it’s fashionable.”
“A coke nail is fashionable?! Even if you don’t do coke?”
“When I was younger me and my friends used to keep our pinky nails long. I never tried drugs in my life.”

I couldn’t grasp my head around this concept. I just kept exclaiming, What?!

Avi just told me that coke nails were used for fashion and not necessarily drugs. What would prompt people to give the fashionable illusion that they were on coke?!

Cue: Cross-Dissolve into Israel’s fashion scene

I don’t know too much about Israel’s fashion scene (or fashion in general), but I do know that fashion depends on the city. For instance, the long-time fashion trend in Jerusalem has been a trimmed, black velvet overcoat complete with a sporty, black Louis Vuitton head covering and some payot that dangle effortlessly from the sides of the head, curled by non other than hair designer Ken Paves.


But seriously, Tel Aviv is much different than any other city in Israel. It’s bustling with fashion. Clothing store after clothing store line the streets of this yuppie city. As I said, I don't know much about fashion, but Tel Aviv seems “experimental” in my eyes. They wear overcoats and Uggs (even in 65 degree weather), which are sometimes accompanied with pink spandex or cut leggings. It's bizarre. Especially because these are just the men…

As I continued to think about what is and isn’t fashionable in this country, I came to a realization:

Israel is the coke nail of the Middle East.

Think about it. Compared to the other Middle Eastern countries, Israel is too small to even be the pinky. So it needs to overcompensate. Therefore, it acts as the coke nail, allowing it to become super productive and giving people that boost or kick to turn it into high gear to make this country as busy and hip as it is.

From its fashion scene to its army, Israel is so successful because of its ability to stand out. Much of the rest of the world sees us as an abnormality: "A Jewish state?? Over my dead cuticle!" In fact, many want to pretend that their hand is perfectly manicured. But they need realize the existence of the coke nail. Accept it. Embrace it. See what it can offer you.

But until that day, Israel needs to continue to stay in a coke-induced frenzy. We need to continue to party, and like a true addict, continue to refuse to come down from our high. Because as soon as just one eye begins to fall asleep, the big middle fingers of the world (like Iran) will quickly reach for the nail clippers.

So if we can just convince the rest of the hand to take just one lousy hit with us, for just one night of partying, this world can be the peaceful, cracked out place G-d intended it.

Mommy... Wow! I'm..a..big..kid..now!

I’ve decided to make my own documentary. My posts are becoming infrequent because this project is eating up a lot of time. During the day it’s working with Avi, and at night it’s filming this project.

The idea for my doc is simple: The story of five Anglo olem (immigrants) as they attempt to establish a personal, new Israeli identity in the thriving city of Tel Aviv.

It’s easy, innocent and non-political. None of these, however, are shaping up to be true…

One of my lead characters is Jonny, an England-born Haredi who, at 23 years old, already has a wife and beautiful baby girl. We’ve been spending a lot of time together: watching TV, eating dinner and establishing a trustworthy relationship that will hopefully lead to a comfortable, on-screen persona.

I began filming him at a crucial point in his life. He just recently got a job with Knesset, the Israeli government (link it), as the personal driver of Danny Danon (this guy).

Jonny invited me to film him at a Knesset rally opposing the halting of more settlements in the West Bank. Obama wants settlement production frozen, and well, as you’ll soon find out, these guys want Obama frozen in return.

The issue of the West Bank is problematic, to say the least. In a nutshell, the West Bank is occupied by both Palestinians and Jews. There is violence. But many Jews are still living in the West Bank and building settlements because they feel that if they give the West Bank to the Palestinians, they are just one step closer to taking over Jerusalem.

So when Obama says he wants the Jewish settlements to stop, his attempt at diplomacy is causing an outrage amongst right-wingers, and other Jews for that matter.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. First things first:

Jonny and I arrive early to the rally to set up. Jonny was nervous: getting us lost to the site of the rally, and smoking cigarettes like he was in a 1950s cop film. I, on the other hand, was feeling very confident. I was dressed nice, had my tripod and camera, and was ready to film my first rally.

However, upon arriving, that confidence instantly vanished: “Who are you?” “What company are you here filming for?” Shit. Ummm… Chaos Films. “Who? What’s Chaos Films? What channel is that?” Shit. Jonny please help me. “He’s filming a documentary about Anglo olem. Relax and let him in.” Thanks dude.

In the back row were the members of the Israeli television stations. They had high-tech cameras, powerful lights and tripods that rose up like the alien machines in “War of the Worlds.” Seriously, their power adapters were more expensive than my camera. So, naturally, when I parked my Fisher-Price film equipment right next to theirs, there were some smirks.



The demonstration started an hour and a half late. Not really a surprise. But once it got rolling it quickly heated up. People were yelling and arguing with one another. Poor Jonny had to translate everything for me.

But some of the stuff, despite being in Hebrew, I was able to understand. For example, I was able to understand what was being said when random crowd members ran up to the mic, waving their fists in the air yelling “Barack Hussein” at the top of their lungs. Not very concealed when it comes to their feelings toward Obama and his policies.

But the real story begins after the rally ended. Jonny and Danny Danon begin conversing. I am taping from a distance. Danny looks directly at me, the camera and then back at Jonny. He then asks Jonny, “Is he one of us?”

Am I one of what??

An extreme right-winger who hates Obama? No. A devout religious who heavily partakes in Israeli politics? No, I’m not.

But I am a Jew. One that cares about the well-being of Israel, but also supports the activities of my American homeland.

It’s a very difficult time right now to be an American Jew. Americans want peace, and Israelis need to take action in order to keep their country on the map. As a result, the relationship between Israel and America is changing drastically, making American Jews the rope in a tug-of-war. Bush and his gung-ho war cries were good for Israel, and made the relationship more pleasant. But I can’t say so much for Obama and his attempt at world peace. (This will be discussed in greater detail in the documentary.)

But at the root of a very serious confliction in a very necessary alliance is a politician who asks “Is he one of us?”, worried about a 23-year old with a Toys 'R Us camera exploiting his very concrete and outspoken views.

But his concerns are valid. It’s not uncommon in Israel that Jews exploit other Jews. But for what? This touches upon a huge political conflict. One bigger than Israel vs. America or Jews vs. Palestinians. A documentary in itself: Jews vs. Jews.

The religious divide in Israel is unbelievable. Jews make up less than 1% of the world’s population, and here we are judging one another based on how observant, far left or right we are. Secular Jews criticize Orthodox Jews and vice-versa. There are hate crimes within the Jewish community. WHAT THE FUCK! is a reserved way of summarizing the issue.

Most all Jews want to the same two things: a Jewish homeland and peace for their loved ones. But we remain overly concerned and critical of how one of our fellow Jews goes about achieving this common goal. We need to stop fighting over which way is the right way. We really need to start trusting one another; because when you are worrying about whether a fellow Jew is “one of us”, roadblocks remain in the path to progression. It’s so twisted: a fear of exploitation makes us exploit one another, ultimately distracting us from the bigger picture at hand.

With that said, Danon has generously granted me an on-camera interview to discuss, with Jonny, the nature of what it means to make aliyah as an Anglo today. I look forward to speaking with him, and continuing to share with you developments on this current issue and the documentary as a whole.